Being “In On It”

Mabuhay (welcome/hello)!

Wow, June has flown! I'm not sure if you feel the same way, but things seem to be getting back to busy. Now that quarantines have lifted in our area, we decided to travel to see family the previous two weekends in June. While we're still being careful how much we expose ourselves to the general public, we thought it was about time to see family, given some of them we hadn't seen for nearly six months. We had birthdays to celebrate and, of course, Father's Day and had such a fun time seeing everyone! Although travelling is often exhausting, it was also refreshing to spend some much-needed time with family.

On the adoption front, activity seems to be picking back up, although still slower than normal. We're currently going through the progress of our annual home study update. It's crazy to think our home study was officially approved nearly a year ago! In Missouri, home studies are required to be updated annually. Thus, we recently ventured to the doctor's office for our physical, updated financials, and will be meeting with our social worker very soon. In the Philippines specifically, we haven't had any tangible progress on our specific case/journey, but we're encouraged to see the ICAB starting to approve matches and continuing to evaluate families. In a nutshell, we continue to patiently wait as we anticipate another 2-3 years before our kiddos are matched and make it home.

As we wait, Ben and I continue to equip ourselves with research and information so we can best parent our future kiddos. However, we also want to best share our journey with others in various ways. One of those being this blog. Another one is looking for ways to help shed light on our process to others. A while back, we met a couple who had also adopted internationally, and they recommended the book In on It: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption. Ben and I purchased the book and read it together recently. If you find you still have some extra free time post-pandemic or just want a quick way to learn more about adoption, we recommend reading the book.

A few things we love about this book and would love to share with others:

• It's a pretty easy, quick read. The book is written by an adoptive parent and is specifically catered to those who know a couple that is adopting (i.e. family, friends, etc.). It covers all types of adoptions such as foster, domestic, and international. As such, it covers a fairly broad set of topics as it relates to adoption broadly. There are some areas that dig a bit deeper into specific nuances of certain types of adoptions, but it tackles adoption at a fairly broad perspective. Thus, if you know several couples journeying through various types of adoptions for various reasons, it can really speak to all those areas. Some of the items it covers you may already know or may come more naturally to you, but we trust you'll still find a few good nuggets in it.
• We know it can be difficult or awkward for others to feel like they can ask us about our adoption process. On the flip side, know that it can be difficult for us to know how much you really want to hear/know. 😊While every couple's adoption process is unique to them, and ours is no different, I think the book provides some great insight into the various research, conversations, thought processes, and ultimately decisions a couple makes as a part of the decision to adopt. For us specifically, we always wanted to adopt...but that doesn't mean we haven't had a lot of conversations along the way with each other, our social worker, and others. Adoption is a big commitment, no matter the reason a couple decides to adopt.
• Adoption comes with loss. While Ben and I readily stepped into the adoption journey, we have to remember and ask others to remember that adoption still comes with some levels of loss. We gain more than we can ever lose, but we and our children do lose some things throughout it.
  • For now, our family is in the hands and decisions of others – a loss of control. For Ben and I, that might be one of the hardest realities at this step in our journey. We are depending on others…trusting in them to make the best decision for us. For control freaks like myself, that's hard. But we take comfort in knowing that, ultimately, we never really have any control – it's all in the hands of our gracious and trustworthy Father.
  • In order to get to us, our kiddos will experience so much loss. Loss of their biological family, loss of security, loss of their birth country. My heart aches right now just thinking of all those losses they will experience at such a young age. We pray that our perfect Father will help them process, heal, and grow from these losses.
  • Our family will lose some level of privacy. Honestly, we already have in the amount of information included in our home study and dossier for the Philippines - nothing is off limits apparently! We also recognize and embrace that our family won't "look" typical…which likely means more loss of privacy in the future. Which brings me to my next point…
• While we certainly are open about our journey, there is a balance in how much we share and the privacy our kiddos deserve. As we are matched with our kiddos and we bring them home and they grow up in our family, we have to balance the "Who, What, and When" of sharing their story with others. We haven't figured out exactly what that looks like right now, but we ask for your patience as we do – especially in the future. We trust God will give us the right answers and right philosophies as we seek His will. The book does a great job of talking through some of these nuances and helping others recognize and approach these topics.
• There's a period of adjusting just like any pregnancy/birth. Once we're matched with kiddos, we'll make preparations in our home and our lives to make space (some of that has even started already), just like any pregnancy. When we bring our kids home, it's going to take time for us to figure out our new "normal" just like any pregnancy. We anticipate an additional challenge going from a no-kid home to a multi-kid, multiple ages home – literally overnight. Again, we aren't sure exactly what these things will look like for us specifically until we're matched and closer to bringing our kiddos home but have patience with us as we figure that out when the time comes.
• You - yes you! - are representatives of our adoption. Given you're reading this blog, you likely care about us and our journey. 😊 You might even get questions from others about it. We're honored and thank you for your care. Ben and I strive to share our journey with others, so if you ever have any questions – don't hesitate to ask. As we're still early in the process, we answered some questions we thought you might have in a former blog. If you ever get asked something you aren't sure, ask us or point the asker towards us. Above all else, know that our choice to adopt is a result of the unconditional love we have both experienced from our Heavenly Father. Share Him when you share our journey.